


The Wrong Words

by StellarLibraryLady



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies), Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Angst and Feels, Arguing, Cuddling, Dancing, Developing Relationship, First Kiss, First Time, Friendship, Jazz - Freeform, M/M, Regret, Snuggling, Vulcan Kisses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-12
Updated: 2019-10-12
Packaged: 2020-10-26 13:34:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20743031
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StellarLibraryLady/pseuds/StellarLibraryLady
Summary: Debating has always defined their relationship, but one day McCoy finds that he just cannot argue with Spock anymore.





	The Wrong Words

It wasn't often that these moods came over him, but he knew he was in for another long evening of quiet contemplation. It didn't help matters that soft jazz was gently playing in the background or that his quarters were pitched in deep shadows. Generally he had a glass of bourbon to see him through these bouts of introspection. Generally alcoholic spirits could dim the sharpness of his melancholy, but Leonard McCoy had the misfortune of being stone-cold sober this evening and that was the way that he wanted to stay.

It had seemed so innocent. Just another mindless debate with Spock. An exchange of verbal signals. A difference of opinion. Just like most any other time they generally got together. But for some reason, it had seemed different this time. The words between them began not to ring true. The sledgehammers that generally rang with resounding clangs between them were strangely muffled, like their iron faces were padded with layers of deadening cloth.

For when it was McCoy's turn to level his next clever rejoiner toward Spock, McCoy could not do it. He opened his mouth, but the words would not come out. Instead, he just stood there with his mouth agape while his eyes enlarged and the noise of nothingness deepened between the two debaters.

Spock frowned with concern with McCoy apparent change in tactics which hadn't been McCoy's idea at all. "Doctor?"

Still McCoy could not answer.

Spock's concern deepened. "What is the matter, Doctor?"

But instead of answering, McCoy turned and fled Spock's presence.

And now McCoy sat listlessly in his quarters. His mind wasn't exactly in a whirl. Whirling would indicate activity, and McCoy's mind was just, just blah! Nothing. Mindless.

At one point Jim Kirk was on the other side of his door, but he eventually went away. McCoy knew that Kirk would respect his privacy by not interrupting him.

Not so Spock. Well, McCoy hadn't given it much thought, but he figured that Spock would leave after not getting any response to his chime, either. That's why McCoy had known that the first inquiry had come from Kirk, because Spock strolled into McCoy's quarters after the second unanswered chime.

McCoy studied Spock a moment and turned away. "Figured Vulcans understood that an unanswered door meant that the person on the other side didn't want company."

"Please do not generalize, Doctor. Not all Vulcans had you treat them as you treated me."

McCoy's head shot around. "You were insulted?!"

"Fascinating. At least you are still capable of emotion."

McCoy turned away again. "What's your point?"

"You could not continue our discussion. Why not?"

"It all become just--" He shrugged. "--unimportant."

"I object."

That was bold, McCoy thought as he turned to look at Spock. And he thought that Spock sounded pissed off.

"Why are you objecting? Why is it bothering you so much?"

"You are saying that I am unimportant."

"Now, how in blue blazin' hell did you get that out of what I just said?!"

"If talking with me is unimportant to you, then I am unimportant to you."

"You're being awfully illogical."

"Not from my viewpoint."

"Well, there is that, I suppose," McCoy muttered, turning away.

"Do not turn away."

"Why? What's your objection to that?!" McCoy demanded as his head shot back around.

"It is as if I am unimportant to you."

"That's not why I turned away! I just didn't want to argue with you anymore."

"Then would you care to discuss what happened to you? With me?"

"I, I don't know if I can do that. I might try to hurt you again."

"How would you be hurting me?"

"Did I say that?"

"Yes. Just now."

"Odd. I don't know why I'd say something like that."

"Is that why you could not continue our earlier discussion? You feared that you would harm my feelings?"

"I, I don't know. I just knew I didn't have the heart to continue. And I can't figure that out. It just doesn't make any sense. They're just words. Yet I could not utter them to you."

"Perhaps they were more than words to you at that moment. Perhaps you thought that you would lose my respect. Or maybe it was something else."

Something stabbed McCoy in the chest, and he understood that Spock had hit on an important truth. "What else of yours could I lose?" Dare he say it? Was there a simple truth in what was vibrating between them. "Your friendship?"

"Perhaps. And I am here to inform you, Doctor, that mere words will never come between us. Not unless I know that negative emotion is behind them. Then it will be the emotion and not the words that will sever the tie between us."

McCoy felt embarrassed, but pleased, too. And oddly relieved and embarrassed by his relief. And there was no accounting for the tears that were stinging his eyelids. "Adamant little bastard, aren't you?"

"And a persistent one, you will find."

McCoy's grin was shaky. Something had changed in their relationship, but he didn't know what.

Then he knew.

"You're fighting to keep our friendship, aren't you?"

"My prerogative, I believe," he said airily. Then he glared and got defensive. "Why? Do you have a problem with that?" Spock sounded almost belligerent.

"I'm not challenging you about it."

Spock visibly relaxed.

"You're not denying it then."

"I am denying your question. Just so you do not try to deny our relationship."

"Then it's important to you?"

"Certainly." Spock sounded miffed, as if he wondered why McCoy would question something like that.

McCoy frowned. "I didn't know you could be a scrapper like this."

"Then it is about time you were learning of that aspect of my personality. I should also make it clear that I do not intend to alter that part of my general character traits at any time in the near future, if ever."

McCoy grinned sheepishly. "I'm not saying that it's a bad thing. Just, ah, unusual. For you," he added quickly so there would be no misunderstanding about that between them.

"Some people may say that it illustrates a certain stubborn streak in me."

"Stubborn? Let's just say that you are showing a marked determination which is quite refreshing for you, especially since you never wanted to show a strong inclination toward any sort of that kind of behavior before." He grinned, then he sobered with thoughtfulness. "What happened anyway? Why aren't you neutral anymore?"

"Debate with you, I understand. Even harsh words from you I can process. But not that look of desperation and regret I saw on your face when you left without finishing your point."

"That's the way I looked?"

"Yes. And I did not understand why you looked that way."

"It just occurred to me that the words I was using had gotten personal and that I was hurting you with them. And I could not stand to do that."

"It is alright, Doctor. We will be careful with our words from now on. And we will understand that they are only words, and not what we mean in our hearts."

"I really would hate to have to give up our 'discussions,'" McCoy said sheepishly. "They have come to mean a lot to me."

"Likewise to me," Spock declared stoutly.

McCoy didn't know where to take it from there. Did they start arguing as usual or should Spock simply walk away until a new debate topic was offered to them? Surely there was something in the middle, some other facet to their relationship that they could nurture now. But McCoy had no idea what that could be, or which direction they should now take things.

Then Spock solved it. He held out his hand. "Come, let us seal our bargain."

Well, that was definitely stating an avenue they could explore. But what avenue, McCoy wondered. It could mean anything, but that outthrust hand could also suggest some sort of intimacy in their future. After all, Spock was not a touchy feely kind of guy. So that gesturing hand might be offering a step up in their relationship that McCoy hadn't considered. But now he was considering it, and he had to admit that he would not be adverse if things branched off in that direction for them. That surprised McCoy that he'd been harboring those kinds of yearnings subconsciously. Wonder what else old Mother Nature had up her sleeve for him and that pointy-eared enigma standing there so close and so damn desirable?

McCoy gave Spock an inquisitive look. Just what was the Vulcan going to propose that they do? McCoy stunned himself by realizing what Spock could mean and how ready that McCoy was to make that leap in their relationship.

McCoy knew that his eyes were wide and even innocent and expectant when he asked softly, "You mean--"

Spock smiled placidly. "Dance with me. I like the music that is playing. And it does have charms, does it not?" he asked gallantly.

"Charms to soothe the savage beast?" McCoy asked as he slid into Spock's arms.

"Yes," Spock answered in his best courtly fashion and closed his arms around McCoy.

Not bad, McCoy thought. Not bad at all. A little like embracing a cement post, but otherwise Spock felt pretty good.

McCoy had to admit that he was a little bit disappointed. But this was okay, too. Dancing with the Vulcan was nice, too. Who would've thought that could ever happen? And yet, here they were, gliding stately around McCoy's quarters as romantic jazz music played softly around them.

It wasn't really dancing, either, McCoy realized a few moments later. They were just shifting back and forth on their feet occasionally, not really keeping time to the music, although the slow, soft jazz didn't require much rhythm to keep up with it.

Even Spock should know the basic two-step done to a simple box pattern. Surely even he could perform what is called in some circles, the one foot shuffle. Shuffle on one foot. Shift. Shuffle on the other foot. Shift. Repeat. Shuffle, shift. Shuffle, shift. Repeat. They could make this into a new hobby for themselves.

Then McCoy realized that maybe dancing hadn't been Spock's objective. Maybe he just wanted to be reassured that all was well between them.

But what if there was more? What if Spock wanted more, from him? What if Spock wanted... him?

So McCoy finally dared to ask himself the biggie. Would he be willing to give himself, if he was what Spock wanted?

So maybe Spock had just wanted to get his arms around McCoy? Would that be okay with him? Especially if it led them to other activities? Activities that involved another kind of dancing, but one that was as old as Time itself?

Hell, McCoy could live with that, he decided faster than he ever figured that he could decide something like that.

"Feeling better, Doctor?" Spock asked as he felt enthusiasm fire through McCoy and telegraph itself to the guy holding him.

"Yeah," McCoy had to admit. Yeah, he did.

Spock seemed to be considering the next question. That amazed McCoy that Spock could both want something so badly and yet be unsure of its reception. That Spock could be anxious about something like that endeared him to McCoy, so much so that McCoy hoped that Spock got what he was so obviously yearning for.

"Are you grateful for the comfort I am bringing to you?"

What the hell?! Maybe Spock didn't know what he was saying or how it could be interpreted by McCoy. So McCoy decided just to play along and act like everything was still normal and not shaded with a sexual connotation for him. "Sure."

Spock swallowed hard. "Would you want to show me how much? How much you are grateful?" he stumbled to add, just in case McCoy was not understanding his meaning.

What the f***?! The damn Vulcan wasn't as backward as he acted.

But Spock was still anxious, so McCoy decided to relieve his anxiety. He slid his hands under Spock's arms and pulled them around his back, then settled his head into that comfy looking spot just between Spock's left shoulder and his neck. It was a comfy spot, just made for McCoy's head. Then McCoy sighed deeply and waited. Waited for what would happen next between them.

Spock immediately relaxed and felt less like a cement post. In fact, his whole body molded to McCoy's quite nicely. McCoy began to wonder if they'd been made for each other and decided that they had been.

Their one-foot shuffling slowed a great deal more until they were barely moving at all, but neither of them really noticed.

They finally stopped moving altogether and just stood there with the music flowing gently around them while they enjoyed being in each others' arms. When McCoy raised his head and looked into Spock's dark eyes, all he found was trust and hope and caring, the same things he hoped that Spock was finding in his eyes. When he finally leaned forward, Spock was leaning forward also and met his lips with a gentle, fulfilling kiss. Then they pulled back and gazed at each other as pleased smiles gently curved along their lips. They stayed that way a long time as ages old long songs reminded them of half-forgotten memories.

Finally McCoy tucked his head back into its special spot between Spock's shoulder and neck. The two started swaying to the music again as they let the haunting melodies take their fancies off down all sorts of enticing paths. And every one seemed more romantic and beckoning than the last one. But they were in no hurry to choose. Sometimes the journey is more important than the destination. And Spock and McCoy did not want to cheat themselves out of any byroad along the way. Hard telling what they might find waiting there, just for them. And they both had the notion that it would be good.

Then McCoy finally stopped dancing, and they both knew that it was for good. At least for this evening, the dancing was over. For they were both ready to move onto the next phase of whatever was going to happen between them tonight.

McCoy never faltered gazing into those dark eyes as he reached out and laced his fingers into Spock's. Then he squeezed with all of the intensity of the emotion that he was feeling inside himself.

Spock's eyelids fluttered as he caught his breath inwardly.

"Sorry," McCoy murmured. "That means something special to you, doesn't it? The hand thing?"

"Yes, it does," Spock murmured back when he could finally catch his breath again.

"Teach me," McCoy whispered, because he was afraid that his voice would be shaking too much with emotion if he spoke as he normally did. "Teach me what it means to you so that I will understand. Teach me so that I can please you with my hands. Teach me so that I will appreciate your hands on me more than I already do."

"Only if you will teach me what I can do to please you," Spock whispered back because he was trying to control his voice also, but was failing as miserably as McCoy was.

McCoy did not realize it until the back of his legs hit his bed that he had been leading Spock slowly toward his bower. He sank backwards, pulling Spock down with him.

Spock leaned over McCoy on one knee and looked down at the earnest eyes that were inviting him to join him on the narrow bed.

McCoy reached up and knit his fingers through Spock's again. Then, without breaking eye contact, he slowly pulled Spock down into his arms. Spock came willingly and smoothly threaded his arms around McCoy as he sank beside him. Without pausing his forward motion, he scooped McCoy up against him and enveloped him into an all-consuming kiss that left them both breathless when they finally broke it.

"Fast learner," McCoy murmured as he gulped needed air into his lungs.

"I am, especially when I am particularly eager to learn," Spock reassured him.

"Uh huh," McCoy agreed as he massaged Spock's face with his fingertips and stared at Spock's swelling lips. "How about lesson two now?"

But Spock was way ahead of him as he pulled McCoy back into his arms. After that, neither one needed anymore lessons or coaching. They just let instinct take over and got along just fine, especially if tired and aching bodies could be used as criteria the next morning to judge the success of their first night together.

And it could.

**Author's Note:**

> I own nothing of Star Trek, its characters, and/or its story lines.


End file.
